Five Mistakes Women Make While Loving Their Significant Other – Susan Orosco
Do you love too much? Or maybe you need too much? What is the difference? How can needing someone not be the same as loving him or her? How can you prevent the ‘honeymoon’ from ending? Below I have listed 5 tips on how to avoid loving a significant other …away, but how to bring him closer, instead. Be aware of these particular mistakes and avoid them. Let love reign instead!
Mistake #1 – You expect him to read your mind. Remember he is not Spock. He cannot work a mind melt. He cannot read your mind and you don’t want him to assume. I know it sounds silly, but too many of us think, “If he really loved me he would know what to do.” The truth is he really loves you and doesn’t know what to do. To expect your man to know what goes on in your mind without explanation is impossible.
Solution: Tell him. Give him something tangible to work with. Instead of assuming he will take the garbage out, and then feeling let down when he doesn’t, tell him. Men work well with clear instruction. And if he still doesn’t take the garbage out; tell him in plain words what you would love for him to do. Don’t expect him to mind melt your feelings. He can’t do that.
Mistake #2 – You expect him to love you the way you understand love. He can’t do that either. It is important that you get this. He simply cannot love you the way you understand it because that is how girls show love. Men on the other hand show love by doing things for you. I remember a woman once who was complaining that her husband did not love her because he was outside washing and detailing her car rather than be inside ‘being’ with her.
Solution: Learn his love language. See what he ‘does’ for you that you may be overlooking. For example: maybe he doesn’t bring you flowers on Fridays. Yet, he gives up his football game to watch your favorite television show with you. Maybe he doesn’t remember to take out the garbage but he remembers to buy your favorite wine. Learn his love language and you may discover there is a whole lot of loving going on that you may not have seen before.
Mistake #3 – You expect him to put your needs above his own. This is emotionally impossible. A man must tend to his needs just like we do. Men often define themselves as providers. For example if he takes you to a restaurant and during the evening you constantly complain about the service, the food and the atmosphere, he takes that personally. He cannot switch gears and see that your needs were not met by the restaurant, because in his mind he failed you.
Solution: Understand his need. Instead of expecting him to shift gears and support your needs, find a way to respect his and your own. Pick another day and time to call the restaurant and complain. Or if he begins to complain while at the restaurant, then join him. But if he is content, let it be. He will feel rewarded and probably take you out more often. Next time simply suggest a different restaurant.
Mistake #4 – You expect him to give you all his spare time. This is simply not fair. Men need space of their own. They need their friends, their sports, and sometimes they need their hobbies. Of course he has time carved out for you too and thoroughly understands he is in great demand. It is, therefore, best if you do not try to disturb his distribution of time. But instead have your own distribution of time.
Solution: Get a life independent of him. Take a class in salsa dancing. Or take a class in criminology at the community college. Or do both. Find a way to entertain yourself. You will become more self-sufficient, confident and far more interesting. Remember the definition of charisma is to be self-sufficient, confident and very interesting. Some call that sexy. I wonder how long it will take him to forget his hobbies, his friends and especially his sports if he sees your salsa dancing.
Mistake #5 – You expect him to speak the language of emotion. He does not understand this language very well. But he does have feelings. Too often we interpret his inability to speak the language as simply withholding expression and information. Trust me, he is not withholding, he just doesn’t get why he should reveal his feelings and make the conversation worse.And what do we do when we think he is withholding? We get angry and sometimes we attack, accuse and often use guilt. Then he shuts down and cannot be reached at all at this point.
Solution: A man can open up to you like a flower in the spring if you approach a subject from a place of love and safety but most important, logic. Do not expect him to participate in a conversation that is loaded with emotion. To reach him is to converse in a manner in which he feels at home.
Men love conversations that are based on logic. They especially enjoy facts, evidence and common sense. Yes, I am suggesting you learn more about his style of conversation and use less of our emotionally driven style. Speak both styles. There is a lot to be said about being bilingual.
Remember, it is not so much the shape of your cheek bones or the size of your waist; it is how you make him feel that really counts. With that kind of power you’d have men in line waiting to spend time with you. Wow, wouldn’t that get your significant other’s attention?
Hopefully these 5 love tips can make your relationship sexier, stronger and more loveable. But if you’re still feeling stuck you can sign up for my Mind Mechanics Course here to learn more valuable ways to find the focus you need to succeed.
Or if you prefer private sessions with Susan Orosco’s Mind Mechanics program go to the contact page at www.susanorosco.com.
Do you have any tricks that you use to help you get through those tough road blocks? I’d love to hear your ideas, leave them in the comments!